Gratitude is like physical exercise; we all know it’s good for us, but just as most of us don’t work out as often as we would like, most of us don’t practice gratitude as consistently as we desire.
That’s because gratitude, like exercise (and healthy eating,) is a discipline.
Our minds have been conditioned over thousands of years to eat as much as we can when food is available, to rest as much as we can when we’re not compelled to move, and to recognize and avoid threats whenever possible. To do anything that runs counter to our conditioning requires discipline.
The biggest challenge is that our conditioning is really hard, if not impossible, to change. That’s why we talk about being “hard wired” to do something. Conditioning is something that comes into being over generations. So how do we overcome our conditioning and establish a discipline like gratitude?
I have found that I must jolt my mind out of the rut my conditioning has formed in order to take the disciplined path. I do this by creating cues that get me to “wake up” from my conditioned (often unconscious) response and engage a disciplined response instead.
So I exercise around the same time each day by taking one small action: I “change uniforms.” The simple act of putting on my workout clothes is easy because I don’t have to change mindsets in advance of doing it. I’m not committed to anything; I’m just changing clothes. That simple act, though, shifts my mindset and working out becomes almost automatic. The cue of changing clothes makes the disciplined response of exercise much easier.
Each morning when I wake up my mind starts trying to clear the cobwebs of sleep enough to recall what I need to do that day. Thinking of tasks that need my attention triggers my long-conditioned threat awareness and makes me more than a bit anxious. This is my natural orientation to life—my conditioned response to consciousness: anxiety and uneasiness.
As soon as I roll out of bed, I take one simple action: I part the shutters and look outside. That’s easy because it requires no change of mindset. It does act as a cue, though. Once I look outside the disciplined response of gratitude becomes almost automatic. When I look outside my dark little bedroom to the natural beauty on the other side of the glass, I’m grateful. I then look more closely and give thanks for each thing I see. I close the shutters and look at my wife, my little doggies, and even my slippers and I’m grateful. Those experiences make it easy for me to then engage my discipline of a 5-minute gratitude meditation to start my day.
If you’re not practicing gratitude as much as you’d like, that doesn’t mean you’re an ungrateful or selfish person. You just haven’t found the right cue to bump your mind out of its conditioned ruts and into a more appreciative approach. What cue might get you to look around and see blessings or good fortune at every turn? What simple thing can you do to interrupt your natural inclination to perceive and guard against threats so you can appreciate the moment?
Once you’ve identified the cue that works, you can choose any number of gratitude practices to engage. There are plenty of creative and effective practices available through any search engine. So find your cue, break out of your conditioned rut, and take a stroll on the life-enhancing path of gratitude.
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